Why Men are Afraid of Therapy and Why You are too Manly for that Nonsense.

Why is it that so many men view therapy as something wimpy people do? I know someone fairly close to me that made the dumbest comment on social media one day (you know, that place brave men go to say things they would never say to your face). He said, “I never needed a counselor. I accomplished every change I needed to make on my own”. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. This is a guy that has never managed a healthy relationship in his life, has few quality friendships, and spends a significant amount of time arguing with his Facebook friends about things he knows very little about all while drinking his liver into a state of shock. Unfortunately this is so common with males today that it’s difficult to separate so-called “men” from 13 year-old boys not only by the comments they post on social media but by the lives they live and the relationships they destroy. 

So if these brave, in your face from a safe distance (social media only) males are so in control of life despite all outside observations, what’s the problem? The problem is that it’s a lie. These guys tend to live in fear and with significant insecurities. Enough so that they avoid intimacy, and are afraid to ever look under the hood. Oh they know life isn’t going in a direction they want. They live with the thoughts and actions that have hurt others and left them miserable, lonely, and afraid. 

Vulnerability scares the hell out of most guys. 

Change, whether in relationships, personal behavior, performance at work, etc., requires vulnerability. It requires the recognition that you don’t have it all figured out and that maybe someone else can help you. Then it requires you to go do something about it. Therapists aren’t experts at living your life. As a therapist and coach it is not my job to tell you what to do, or how to live your life. It is my job to provide tools to help you evaluate whether or not what you’re doing is working and then to help you come up with ways to do something different, something more effective. It seems so simple and yet so many guys struggle to do it on their own. 

You are going to make a decision one way or the other. Will it be to continue living a life that isn’t beneficial to you or the people around you, or will it be to finally make a change?