Can't I Just Take Care of this Shi* on My Own?
Haven’t you tried that already? I get why men would ask this question. There is an expectation that we, as males, should be able to “fix” our problems. However, I am not real sure where this expectation is coming from or why we are still holding onto it. How many men build a house alone, without any help, or suture their own wounds? When was the last time you decided to organize ANYTHING without the help of your wife or significant other (that may just be me)? So if we receive help in every other area of our lives then why is it so hard to decide that we don’t need to handle the emotional stuff alone? Sure, it’s embarrassing to tell your buddies that you’re seeing a therapist. It’s even more embarrassing when your buddies find out you’ve secretly thought about driving your brand new SUV into an embankment after the morning fight with your wife that comes as a result of you hating your job and taking it out on her, the dog, and all four kids. What about the fact that you’ve had this thought every morning for the last three years. Or how about the embarrassment of everyone finding out that you’ve been sexting the secretary because you couldn’t “fix” your marriage. One too many drinks….every night? How much was that last DUI?
Stop telling yourself you’ve got it under control. You haven’t had it under control in a long time and your family knows it. Your friends are too busy hiding their own crap to help with yours so it may be time to make a decision.
The first step toward change is admitting that what you’ve been doing isn’t working.
We all know the definition of insanity but the reality is, insanity works for some people. Continuing to do the same thing over and over guarantees me a level of certainty. It also allows me to connect with the people I make miserable. There is a good deal of variety in the problems you create, and oftentimes you feel more significant when you win a fight with your kids than most days at work. Oh sure, meeting your needs in this fashion sucks the life out of you. It isn’t fun, and the people you claim to care about suffer because of it. But it does work.
To stop the insanity you have to find a healthier way of meeting those needs.
The bottom line is, it’s up to you to evaluate your life honestly and decide to change by yourself, find someone to help, or continue living a half-ass existence.